Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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