i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
