I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
