Cold hands, warm shart.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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