i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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