so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
