Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
