I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
