I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
