I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dear god my vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
