I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
