She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
