pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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