When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
