so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
