well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everclear isn't food dammit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
