You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
