just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
