I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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