Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
