He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
