Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
