Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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