Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
