Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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