He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
