It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
