i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
