all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
