Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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