I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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