You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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