Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
