i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
