You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
