I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
