Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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