Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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