I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
