I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
