Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
