Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Small penises have feelings too.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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