This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
