Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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