Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
