It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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