in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
