so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
