Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a search helicopter?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
