Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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