What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
