Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
